Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Letdown


In the midst of the secluded yet bustling city, a poor, barefooted boy toddled lightly towards the morning local market. Step by step, he cautiously entered the crowded place. A gust of dusty, hot air blew in against the dirty site filled with goats, cows, and the occasional monkeys. The dust and humidity merged into a sickly paste on the little boy’s face. He wiped it with the back of his hand as he continued to head toward the stalls which sold an assortment of wheat and bread.

He halted. Gazing around his surroundings with a pair of empty and hollow eyes, he knew that he was invisible among what seemed to be hundreds of market visitors. They came to sell, to buy, or to trade various products ranging from food, live animals, to household goods. To the far left, exotic silks and beaded fabrics from abroad were hung vibrantly by merchants to attract potential customers. But the little boy was not interested in those. Instead, he faced the other direction, slipped quietly behind a cluster of storage barrels, leaving no trace behind.

As the little boy crouched in hiding, his bones conspicuously stood out from his ribs and spine like daggers longing to stab through his flesh and skin. His limbs were so frail and thin, that it may snap at any moment. Peering through the gaps of the storage barrels, he observed the stalls with great intensity. From his brief inspection, he mentally selected a specific stall, and waited for the best time to steal a few ounces of bread.

For you see – his poor family had perished due to a fatal disease he himself could not comprehend. All he knew was that his parents were burning feverishly along with painful coughing that spewed and splattered blood. The next thing he knew his parents had sprawled lifelessly across the straw mattresses, their bodies cold as though the burning fever had left and carried their lives away with it. The same fate had also fallen to the lives of his siblings. The only remaining kin was his sister, who was now bedridden and suffering from the tormenting symptoms. But at least she was alive. And all that matters now was to keep her alive.

He focused his view towards the bread stall again. A loud din can be heard as more and more customers are heading towards it, bringing along their donkeys and what not. He knew it was the right time. Steadily, he crept out from his hiding place and quietly began to carry out his plan. There he was, determining to go against the wave of death that might swallow his sister or himself. He was alone, but he was not afraid.

(What do you guys think about the little story I made up? I have not actually finished it yet. This is just the first part of the story. I obtained the inspiration from a piece of news I read a couple of years ago which I still recall. Even though I read this event a few years ago, it still haunted me to this very day. I would tell you what happened, but I plan to continue this story for next week, and it wouldn't be interesting if I spill to you all the plotline! I guess I was motivated to create this writing piece because I really felt moved by the news. I was then inspired to write a story that depicts a theme of desperation yet determination to overcome the struggles of life. Constructive comments and criticisms (though not bashful ones intended to trash talk) will be appreciated :) )

3 comments:

Valentine in Black September said...

I cried reading it!
This would be the comment I would have left but since it sounds so gay....
Its a very interesting and insightful reading. Its very subversive and stimulates strong emotions and thus I really appreciate and commend the effort you put into it.

What Would Jessica Do? said...

its quite interesting the way the boy thinks and causes him to act the way he did...cant wait for the next additions...

Enchanting Pixie said...

Very intuitive, I like the different way you portray a devastated young boy through the unique way he thinks and acts. In a way it shows how different a person can be just by assumption.

Your voice in writing is very stimulating and will enchant many to read on.

Continue on, it's great to see your work though we may not be in the same class any longer =)